Then one day, for reasons unknown, I suddenly saw the open printer drawer not as an impertinent annoyance, but as the inescapable evidence of a simple fact: I have kids.
I have kids, and kids inevitably come with some vexations. Yet they’re exactly what I want in my life, and a source of inexpressible joy. Because I have this privilege … I also have to accept its aggravations.
But rather than being the kind of unmanageable risk found in Russian roulette, the risk of marriage is more like that of driving a car. While you can’t 100% eliminate the chance of a crash, nobody lets that stop them from getting behind the wheel every day. Because despite the risk, that mechanical vehicle, like the vehicle of marriage, will take you places you couldn’t otherwise go.
We can allow risk to inhibit us, or we can allow it to help us. When we notice that something feels risky, instead of shutting down, we should recognize that this is something that is more important to us. We need to step up and engage fully and make sure that we meet the risk head on.
The key is to toggle between these two sets of chemicals, as appropriate — allowing yourself to be satisfied, but never wholly so; content, and yet eager for continuous growth. You have to be able to enjoy the excitement of the conquest, and be able to hold onto what you secure.
Understanding the function of brain chemistry has been a huge part of the last few months for me. This precarious balance is crucial to master in order to find true happiness in life. One thing that I especially appreciate is the normalization of the ebb and flow. When we understand that force, we can work with it instead of fighting against it.
But when your decision doesn’t carry moral import, and you make it with all the politeness and respect possible, then you’re not responsible for how the other person deals with your choice. Whether they deal with it resiliently or not, rationally or not, generously or not, is up to them. You cannot control their reaction. And you cannot make your own decisions based on their expected response.
Coming to terms with unnecessary and unhealthy guilt has been a huge part of my mental health recovery process. It is vital to learn how to correctly identify your areas of responsibility and neither shirk nor stretch them.
I served as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Romania for two years. During that time, we were allowed to send weekly emails, as well as periodic letters and packages to our family. We were also allowed two phone calls home per year—one on Christmas, and the other on Mother’s Day.
Effective immediately, missionaries may communicate with their families on their weekly preparation day via text messages, online messaging, phone calls and video chat in addition to letters and emails.
We often despair of finding success, and being noticed in a saturated field, feeling that we have to compete with everyone, and be many orders of magnitude greater. In reality, you just have to be a few degrees different to leave the masses behind.
Unfortunately, many people don’t outgrow this phase of infantile dependence. They still primarily try to get what they want by manipulating others, by having a “tantrum,” by metaphorically quivering their lip or pooping in their pants and then waiting for someone to notice. They wait for a solution to their problems to arrive from the outside.
Maturing means growing in your capability to meet your own needs, as you become progressively more skilled, competent, and emotionally intelligent. And it means becoming less needy in general. As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, “Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants and to serve them oneself?”
I hope to improve this in my own life, and also to equip my children with these skills as they grow up.
Every design has a tradeoff. UIKit is optimized for iOS interface conventions. I believe most apps follows these conventions most of the time. Designing a more complex system to solve every edge case makes the common case harder.
If you find yourself having to regularly indulge in consumer self-care, it’s because you are disconnected from actual self-care, which has very little to do with “treating yourself” and a whole lot do with parenting yourself and making choices for your long-term wellness.